Intimate Metamorphosis

I am in need of an intimate metamorphosis.  I need to change from the inside out.  I have tried so many times, but I always return to my old habits. What could make this time different?  The realization that if I don't my health will deteriorate.  Or knowing my children, even the adult ones watch me and learn from me even if they are not aware?  Because it is the right thing to do?

So again I start.  I have the Half Marathon to prepare for with knees that hurt.  So I can use that as motivation.  I can take measurements tonight so I can track.  Yet, I wonder how do I track the changes on the inside?  I will have to think about that.

My Upside Down Life

My life has been turned upside down. What turned it upside down is not important. What is important is how I react to it. Right now my reaction is not a good one. I'm mad. I have every right to be mad. But I do not want to be consumed with this anger. So I have to turn it around and use this anger for good. Easier said than done. As I write this I am so upset I can barely find the keys. (So forgive any misspellings.) I have always believedI should treat others well even if they don't deserve it. Now, I am fighting to keep this belief. Right now I want some people to hurt the way they have hurt me. That is exactly how I feel on the outside. The inside is a different story. I do not even want my worst enemy to feel the anger and confusion I feel. It makes me sick to think of anyone feeling this way. So what do I do. I have no answer to this question. I do know that I will continue doing the things I know I should. I will probably do a few things I should not do, nothing harmful, things involving chocolate, high heels and earrings. Hopefully tomorrow I will find a way to put something right side up. I truly hope.

Sometimes I try to prove myself a failure

Yes, I do try to prove myself a failure. I wait to the last minute to complete tasks. So if they are not completed what's the big deal. I eat what I should not. Oh yeah, I'm trying to lose weight. I let any reason keep me from my workout. Compete in a marathon..Hah! You can't compete if you don't prepare.
So why am I writing this? I'm trying to give myself a big slap in the face and shout 'Snap out of it!" (name that movie).
Today I am working on different. A different me and I hope a better me.
So as I write these words without thinking and planning and procrastinating I vow to make the change.

Trying to win a book

Hi Yall! Im trying to win Fat Chance; Losing the weight, Gaining My Worth. If I do win, I will blog about it shortly, if not it will be later. Many of you know I have issues with weight. This was not something I dealt with until this decade. I have many thoughts about this and will talk to you about them in the future.

I need to get this started!

Ok. I know I am being led to write this blog. But I have not been listening. I know that I am suppose to be doing this for the young ladies I worked with and have left behind in Texas. Hopefully I will bring in new ones from Wisconsin. So friends, If you are reading this: 1st I want it to be ok with your parents 2) I want this to be about what you are wanting to learn about. You can email me and Iwill keeep it private. I will address isues in general on this blog. I would never call you out on a blog. My main reference will be, and always be the bible. I will consult with other Godly women and their writings when needed. I will try to post once a week. Just let me know what you want.
Again I am sorry this is so late to get started, but here we go. Join me for the ride!
Kiwi
aka Gabriella